Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Baby rant revisited

Ok... here is yesterday's rant of a post. Published due to popular demand ;-)

Wah! So frustrated with the stupid work ADSL line. It hasn't worked properly since Wed, hence the lack of a post on Fri. It's finally back up now, after they finally sent a Telkom technician to have a look. Finally. *rolls eyes*

So please forgive my lack of commenting / reading over at your blogs and my present black mood (see below). The persistent internet issues, coupled with various weekend frustrations, have left me with a personal thunder cloud over my head.

This is largely due to the fact that I seemed to spend the whole weekend being asked when I'm planning on having kids. This was probably because I was completely surrounded for most of it by couples who are either pregnant / trying to get pregnant or have recently spawned offspring of their own. And I have nothing against any of that. For real. I'm happy for you guys! Rock on! It makes me happy to see you so happy. I think you'll be brilliant parents.

And yes, your baby is gorgeous. She really, truly is. Cute little button nose and teensy tiny fingernails. But no, it doesn't make me broody. Not in the least. And I really don't appreciate the fact that you seem to pity me because of that.

*Sigh* I know I'm being totally over the top. But honestly, TSC and I were the only couple at a very couple-ish get-together that aren't planning on procreating at any point in the near future. And this seemed foreign to everyone else there. We were like Prawns in a friggin alien petting zoo - everyone felt the need to have a good old prod as to why we don't want a baby yet.

And after I had spent five hours straight of listening to conversations that revolved entirely around babies and being questioned on whether I ever see myself having kids at all (who knows? Certainly not me!), I got a phone call from a friend I haven't spoken to in six years. And the first thing he asked me (after "How are you?") was "So, you've been married awhile now... when are the kids coming?"

Poor bloke. After six years of not having chatted to him, that remark unleashed the fury of hell and I came down on him like a ton of bricks. I doubt I'll be speaking to him again in the next six years either.

I guess I just feel a little stuck in the middle at the moment. TSC and I aren't up for hectic partying with our single friends, but we're also not ready to have kidlets yet, like almost all of our married friends seem to be. Something that frustrates me enormously is the fact that once you're married, so many people seem to think kids are the immediate next step. We didn't get married because we wanted babies. We got married because we wanted to be married.

Slyde once blogged about how friendships happen in seven-year cycles. And maybe we're just at a point where we need to start finding a fewof friends who "get" where we're at, whether they're at the same place or not. Our friendship circles gradually changed when we got married, and they're probably going to change again now, seeing we're not following the same five-year plan everyone else in "our group" seems to be on.

And (now for the positive bit) that's part of why I'm so grateful for friends I've met online who are now friends IRL. If I hadn't met them online, our paths would probably never have crossed at all because we're all so different. And I LOVE that! I have online friends of different ages, creeds, job industries, races and opinions. I have blog friends who are parents to grown-up children, those who have young'uns, a bunch who are pregnant and some who are still trying to figure out if whether or not they're kids themselves. And I find that these people I've met through blogging tend to know me for who I am (probably because I routinely overshare my inner monologue on this blog) and accept me as I am, same or different.

So thanks to you all. You counsel me, you teach me, you take the piss out of me, you occasionally lecture me, you often make me laugh and you sometimes move me to cry. I treasure your honesty and I enjoy sharing your experiences. When I'm walking about with my thunder cloud over my head, I can come here to vent and then head over to your spaces to hear about what's going in your life. Which is what I'm going to do now.


Cheryl McCree said...

It is sometimes difficult to understand people who are at a completely stage of their lives or on a different track altogether, but it is knowing so many people with so many different ideas that opens your eyes to the fact that the choices you make in your life may be unique to you and maybe your real life crowd. This I think is the huge plus for me in 'meeting' so many people through forums and blogs etc - it just opens ones eyes to the different ways that open live and makes me a more accepting and tolerant person.

momcat said...

The more things change the more they stay the same. This in the sense of Get married Have Kids or as I did it Get pregnant Get Married (even worse). A lot of parents of Grown up kids or teens will be more tolerant of the decision of a couple not to go that route or at least to really wait until they're totally ready. Maybe with the younger crowd who are all starting families, its verification that they have done the right thing if you are doing it too. Parenting is not for everyone and if one goes that route it will mean a lot of sacrifices for a very long time, some bad moments and a lot of good moments. You are probably on the right track to consider mixing with a different set of friends rather than the mom and dad set.

po said...

Shame man, you really seem to have it in your face all the time. Luckily I don't have that. Although actually I suspect that is because I don't really have nay friends over here! But it would drive me nuts too.

Anonymous said...

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!! Well, sort of. J and I have been together for SO long that everyone is always asking when we're going to get married. Every.single.time we see some old friends they ask. Drives me crazy.

Tamara said...

Cheryl: Exactly! I don't want a homogenous group of friends - I want to know all sorts of different people who will open my mind to new ideas.

momcat: Thanks. Good to get your point of view and feel like I'm not crazy to be considering finding some more friends (who aren't in the mom and dad boat).

Po: I think it's the fact that we got married young. For some reason, people seem to think that we should be having babies young too.

Sleepyjane: It's annoying hey? I want to say "you just worry about your life and I'lll take care of mine"!