Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Twisted intertubes...

I hate the internet today. Ours keeps going down and I am tired of retyping what I was writing, so this is all you're getting for today (if the sadistic line even lets me publish this)...

The difference between Nigella Lawson's way and the real woman's way:

1. Nigella's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips .
The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Goodness sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

2. Nigella's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

3. Nigella's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way
Spar sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

4. Nigella's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough!. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

5. Nigella's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks
The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

6. Nigella's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka : Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won't care!

7. Nigella's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?

8. Nigella's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
The Real Woman's Way
left over wine???? Helllloo

12 comments:

po said...

Heehee, I know which category I fall into and it doesn't begin with N!

Being Brazen said...

Ha Ha Ha - very funny indeed. I try do things the Nigella way, but always loose enthusiasm and end up doing it the real woman way

31337 said...

hilarious stuff. real for me, always. much much simpler.

Shania said...

Baking? Cooking? I'm sorry. I do not know this strange language you are speaking.

Sass said...

ppssshhhhtttt...leftover wine.

What the heck is that?

Slyde said...

Is it wrong of me that the image of you sucking ice cream out of the bottom of the cone while lying on the couch with your feet up turns me on alittle?

leez said...

Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
Sounds way too familiar.

slyde: it aint wrong. we were all thinking it.

sleepyjane said...

Loved this! :)

Caz said...

wa ha ha leftover wine indeed.
Listen lady i found this on the net today, the article is probably useless but the contact at the bottom may be helpful ITO your neighbours child who is being abused: http://www.parent24.com/Content/School_7-12/health_safety/188/f11b9a81ab074ab7b7ac27f8f8ca8c49//Child_abuse_you_can_help

Caz said...

wa ha ha leftover wine indeed.
Listen lady i found this on the net today, the article is probably useless but the contact at the bottom may be helpful ITO your neighbours child who is being abused: http://www.parent24.com/Content/School_7-12/health_safety/188/f11b9a81ab074ab7b7ac27f8f8ca8c49//Child_abuse_you_can_help

XUE said...

Can you hear me laughing all the way from over here?!! Have a good funny weekend!

angel said...

lol... i am so not a nigella!