I will NOT get sick

Woke up this morning with a slight headache, blocked nose and very sore throat. I am choosing to blame this on the cold weather because I can't be getting sick. I just flat out refuse.

In other news, forgive me please if I have been slack at reading and commenting on your blogs lately. There are multiple reasons for this. Firstly, I am seriously lacking in spare time. Secondly, my PC is a nastypants that is having a bad week and is refusing to let me open more than three internet windows / tabs at once. For someone who normally has about nine open at any given time, this is very irritating. Thirdly, I am going through a typical patch of boredom with my own blog, which means that instead of opening Blogger as I get into the office, I'm only getting around to it at midday, which leaves me little time for browsing.

But know that I still love you all. And your briliant blogs. And as soon as my life moves out of this stagnant pool of... ummm... gross stuff... I vill be back. As the governator once said.

Have a good Tuesday (is it only Tuesday?! Feels like it should be Friday). I leave you with on eof my favorite cartoons from Being Five (you may have seen this strip running at the bottom of my blog):

Vote for me, please!

Before I bombard you with my pleas for votes, let me preface this post with a funny to get you in a good mood (it's all about strategy):

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book?' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Hope you're smiling... Now for my request...

Phillygirl has kindly nominated me for the 2009 South African Blog Awards in the Best Post on a South African Blog category for this post. Please, please (I am not above begging) head over there by clicking on the widget on the right side of my blog and vote for me in one or more (or all. Keeeeding!) of the categories. I will be eternally grateful.

I've nominated a bunch of people too, in various categories, so if you're looking for a fab read written by an awesome South African, try:

• Sleepyjane
• Angel's Mind
• Biltong and Craic
• Spindrifting South African Sea Monkey
• Glad to be a Girl
• I Am Tom
• Boldly Benny

Memes and Men Jokes

So how did I do on my to-do list from yesterday? Not too badly. On my way home I stopped at Design Quarter to get some coasters (to protect my new coffee table from glass marks) and discovered that Woolies was having a big sale on their home stuff. So I browsed to my heart's content and picked up some gorgeous placemats, pillows, a cute little woven dustbin for the spare room and some sweet napkins. Then I went home and played with my cats for awhile before settling into all the chores that needed to be done. This morning, before work, I made breakfast for our guests and then sat outside on my veranda, reading my book with a cup of coffee, until they were ready. Such a lovely way to start the day!

So I'm in a fairly good mood this morning, despite the fact that a client sent me a snotty email about an invoice (which has nothing to do with me. I'm the writer, not the accountant. Duh). Here's a meme that Louisa tagged me to do, and something from my inbox that made me smile.

Funny:
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.

Love it!

Handbag meme from Louisa.


Rules:

• Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you can’t go into your closet and pull out your favourite purse! We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house.
• List how much it cost. And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, we’d love to hear it.
• Show us what’s in your purse. Spill it out! Take pictures! Tell us what it is!
• Tag some chicks. (sorry boys, but I’m guessing not a lot of you carry bags around anyway).

Here's my bag that I'm carrying today... I have no idea how much it cost - it was a Christmas present. I love it because it matches so many colours, it's huge and fits all my crap inside (and usually TSC's too), I reckon it's stylish (could be wrong) and it has a solid wood handle, which is unusual (and a pain to carry).

And here's a pic of all the stuff in it at the moment...

We have (from the top left):

• Car keys with broken green beaded keyring that I keep forgetting to fix
• Purse (and my driver's licence, which is still in my maiden name)
• Cool notepad thing that Ruby and Arkwife gave me for my birthday
• Eclipse mints (pre-interview prerequisite in my book)
• Ancient and irritating cell phone that is in the process of dying. Dramatically, as Nokia's are wont to do.
• Butterfly sparkles. ??? I think these are left over from the housewarmign party where I sprinkled some on the tables for decoration. Dunno why they're in my bag though.
• Tissues.
• Three pen-shaped sprays from Dischem. One is Hand Sanitizer, one is Instant Spot Remover and the last is SPF30 Sunscreen.
• Six pens (as a journo, I live in fear that all my pens will dry up during an interview. It's happened before, and I've been carrying even more pens since).
• Compact mirror and brush.
• Three shades of lipgloss.
• Pomegranite handcream. Mmmm!

I now tag: Ruby (suck it up, tag-hater - I wanna know what's in your bag), Kitty Cat, Helen, Mylifescape and Hayley. Sorry if you've already been tagged. I can't keep track of these things. Everyone else who's keen is also welcome to play along ;-)

*added later: I dunno how many of you have seen the cartoon strip that rins at the bottom of this blog, but scroll down and have a look at today's... So funny!

Friday funny and new travel site

The other day I got an email from a lady named Julie who lives in San Francisco. I've never met her or chatted to her before, but she somehow came across my blog and saw that I live in Johannesburg. So she asked me to test out the new travel recommendations site her company is building, http://www.nextstop.com/ along with a range of other people across the globe.

I think it's really cool and have added a couple of my own local recommendations. She says that if people like the site and want to contibute, they should sign up to request an account. They'll then be sent an invitatation to add recommendations.

South Africa is not yet listed as one of the travel destinations on the site as there are not enough recommendations. I plan to change that. Care to join me? She's looking for people from all over the world, though. So wherever you are... go have a look.

And for those of you that aren't interested in the travel site, here's some Friday funnies for you:

Twisted intertubes...

I hate the internet today. Ours keeps going down and I am tired of retyping what I was writing, so this is all you're getting for today (if the sadistic line even lets me publish this)...

The difference between Nigella Lawson's way and the real woman's way:

1. Nigella's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips .
The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Goodness sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

2. Nigella's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

3. Nigella's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way
Spar sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

4. Nigella's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough!. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

5. Nigella's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks
The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

6. Nigella's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka : Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won't care!

7. Nigella's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?

8. Nigella's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
The Real Woman's Way
left over wine???? Helllloo

Friday funny and a quick update

We've finally found a social worker who will come and see our neighbours' kid, so that's good news. I've tracked down the phone numbers for the parents (like drawing blood from a stone with our helpful trustees) and she's trying to set up an appointment today. Will keep you posted.

Here is the picture of the house that is soon to be ours. I cannot wait!And here, are your Friday funnies:

Fridayness

There is nothing better than getting a nice handwritten letter in the post. That's why my grandfather and I write to each other. We could SMS (yes, at 82 he is great on the cell phone) or call, but we write.

I really wish I got more letters. Hence my question to you... Anyone wanna be penpals? Not in the "I'll write to you every week on Sunday at 2pm" strict kind of way, but just to exchange the occasional correspondence for fun. If so, email me: doodlesofajourno@gmail.com.

Ok, aside from that... it is Friday, and I am back at work. Yesterday was spent in bed, sounding like a donkey with my hee-hawing flu voice. TSC thought it was hilarious, of course. It's a bit better now. I just sound like a phone-sex line, or a 30-a-day smoker. All gravelly and such. And so, while it lasts, I will use it (as any woman would) to get exactly what I want out of my darling hubby. Hehehe...

Ok... I am stalling and writing rubbish, when what I actually want to write is: THE OFFER ON THE HOUSE IS ALL GOOD TO GO AND WE ARE SOON TO BE HOME OWNERS!!!

So excited! I've already started planning where the furniture will go, what veggies to plant and what sort of house-warming to have ;-) Yeeha! Our first house. Our house... in the middle of our street... Can't get that song out of my head.

On that happy (ecstatic, over the moon, joful etc.) note, here's a Friday funny for you. One of my favourite C&H strips:

Friday in the smelly office

Brrr... It is cold in my office. And stinky. TGIF, I guess, seeing I can go home a little early. And... I'M NOT SEEING ANY ESTATE AGENTS TODAY!

This is indeed a reason to celebrate. I don't have to be dragged through houses that are a) way out of my price range; b) hell holes fit only for complete destruction; c) so far away from the area we're looking in that we'd need to commute by plane.

I don't get it - how does "3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, with double garage" get translated in an agent's brain to "1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1 parking"?!

And thank goodness TSC is in construction, because those agents will tell you anything to get you to buy. "That little crack there," they croon sweetly, pretending not to notice the rift as wide as my finger reaching from floor to ceiling. "That's nothing. A coat of paint will do the job."

Uh huh. That's about as likely as a band-aid fixing an artery that's been sliced open, dude.


Forgive me if any of you are estate agents. Maybe you're a nice person. The mess of morons (yes, that is the collective noun for morons according to the Doodles-dictionary) that I have met over the past month or so, however, has not left me much faith in your species.

Anyway... In other news (and I promise I will get over the subject soon), my birthday was great. Thanks for all the well wishes. If it wasn't for the damp carpet under my desk, I'm sure I've have felt all warm and fuzzy.

I was spoilt rotten (just like the carpet, which is spolit and rotten) and have lovely loot, including new oil paints and a beeeeg canvas, baking goodies, summer AND winter slippers (note to self: only hint for a specific present to one person); perfume and ANOTHER stick blender (note to self: clarify present hints with deaf grandparents. Electric beater and stick blender obviously sound similar. Or something).

Dinner was fab. If you're ever in Pretoria, visit Nuvo Cuisine. The best chocolate brownies I have ever had! Yum.

Right, I'm now over the birthday thing. For this year. And, to conclude this long-winded Friday post, and for the sake of tradition, here's a funny (or not so funny) for you:

Joke for you

A demure young lady getting ready to board a flight from Ireland asks the priest standing beside her in the queue: "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course, child. What may I do for you?" he says kindly.
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" she asks.
"I would love to help you, my dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie," he says firmly.
"With your honest face, Father, no-one will question you," she replies.
When they get to customs, she stands aside and lets the priest go ahead of her. The official asks: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare," says the priest.
The official finds this answer rather strange, so he asks: "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official says: "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

Friday funnies

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (OR SEVERE DISTORTIONS THEREOF)
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their breeches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.