Monday, 23 June 2008

Post-wedding stress disorder

The wedding was every bit as traumatic as I'd anticipated. And then some.

To give you an idea, some of the guests included:
  • A lady who carried her blind dog around with her everywhere. The poor animal stood bewildered and miserable next to her chair for most of the event, too scared to move an inch, probably because it kept getting stepped on.
  • The drunken and disorderly MC, Frank, who fed himself Schnapps with a spoon straight out of the bottle, tied one of the chair sashes around his head, smacked people on the back of their heads as he walked behind them (trying to get their faces into their food) and generally did anything else he could think of to draw attention to himself, including insulting the bridal couple* and swearing as many times as possible in one sentence.
  • The world's most useles DJ and his two live singers. The one singer wasn't so bad, apart from his need to fit in as many 1980s country treffers (hits, for those of you non-Afrikaans speakers) as possible. The other one was... painful. First she butchered Purple Rain to a dgeree that it was barely recognisable, and then she proceeded to murder Neil Diamond too.

The wedding started at 4pm, and we left at about nine, but it felt like it was after midnight. Hubby and I were the only ones to give an actual gift, seeing my uncle had phoned around and told everyone to give money instead. Here's a pic of the tea tray we made for the couple. I was quite chuffed with it, and a little sad to see it go.

By far the cutest guests at the wedding were two little kittens. They need to be fed every hour, so they couldn't be left at home, but I still reckon that the smokey, noisy sports bar hall was the best place for them to be. Here's me with the bigger of the two. Check out my bright red nose and know how freezing cold it was!

At least it's over. My cousin is happy, and I'm happy for her. The groom seemed nice enough, although he was a little liquored up for some Dutch courage, so it was hard to tell. He's one of those people who talks really fast too, so I didn't get half of what he said.

The rest of the weekend was good. My gran's birthday dinner on Friday at Rhapsody's in Centurion was stunning, and the Grand Prix yesterday was interesting, if a little disappointing for my team, McLaren.

So now, in my last full week of working here, I'm just trying to tie up loose ends and figure out the bit that comes next.

*My cousin is rather large, to put it politely. She always has been. The groom happens to be exceptionally skinny. The contrast is obvious to all, but there was no reason for Frank to make them stand up and draw attention to 'Timone and Pumba' as he called them. Awful man.


boldly benny said...

What a lovely personal gift! Gosh why are wedding MCs always such a nightmare?

Charmskool said...

Love the pressie and the kitten. Wedding MC's are awful - they can make what would be an ok wedding quite terrible. I'm sure he couldn't care that he probably ruined the wedding for the bride and groom. Come to think of it they should probably have foregone the wedding and kept the cash then they wouldn't have had to ask for cash presents.

sweets said...

the gift is beautiful!!! i'm very impressed, i love doing mosiacs ;)

your poor cuz,someone should have knocked that guy out cold,honestly!

Gill said...

Oh dear, it all sounds quite cringe-making! Beautiful gift - what a lovely idea.

The Jackson Files said...

Firstly, what red nose? You look beautiful in that picture, secondly...great gift and thirdly...the MC DOES sound awful, but I had to bite my lip not to snigger at the Timone and Pumba remark, but then again I always laugh inappropriately when I feel uncomfortable.

I bet you're just glad it's over!

Anonymous said...

You do look wonderful in that picture! And also - Frank sounds like a complete horror!! Jeez!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE the tea tray!

Ches said...

OMG. What a dissapointing GP.
Time we got Vettil and Button into a McLaren!

Tamara said...

BB: Why thank you. It makes me appreciate now good my MC was, aside from being late.

Charm: Hmmm... somehow don't think that was the point ;-)

Sweets: Ta very much. I'd love to see some of your mosaics! She should've sat on him. Sorry... that was nasty.

Gill: Thanks very much. *big grin*

TJF: Awww... thanks. *blush* It would've been funny in private. Maybe. But in front of everyone... it was horrible. Definitely glad it's done with.

Sleepy: Thanks, lady guy. You're so sweet.

Ches: Button?! Kubica maybe.

Supanova said...

LMAO @ the Timon and Pumbaa! That's the funniest thing I've heard - or read, rather - all day! I can't believe the dude actually said that out loud! Too funny! And the hitting people on the head? What's with that? LMAO... Good times hey, good times!
I can't believe you made that tray! It's so pweety! Grrrr...I'm sooo jealous! I'm terrible when it comes to anything done by hand! You really are a clever little journo, you!

Caz said...

Ah that is sooooo bad! Timone and Phumba!! EISH! And the worst is that it is funny but sooo wrong. Shmuck. Wedding day is the one day that everyone HAS to be nice to you. clearly MC man didn't get the memo. SHAME your poor cousin!!!

Kirsten said...

Timone and Phumba... That's terrible. Really funny reading it in your post. But I would have been mortified if I were the bride.

Loved the tray! Great idea for a wedding gift too. Just bought a whole bunch of mosaics myself... maybe I should steal your idea and buy a tray!

As for the GP, Hamilton & McLaren will be back with a vengeance next race.

Tamara said...

Supa: I'm thinking I'll have to make another tray for myself. But I never seem to be able to muster the same enthusiasm for me-projects as for presents.

Caz: I agree. Frank = Shmuck. Your article's on the way, I promise.

Kirsten: Been awhile! Trays are great, but so are bowls, mirrors, frames... I just always try to pick something that will get used, and not add to the clutter of my home and become just another thing I need to dust. Not that dusting happens regularly in my house. Hehehe. You a McLaren fan? Rock on!

Globus said...

cute katze. good pic of you too :-)