A small ball of stress and snot

Please excuse the graphic heading, but that's what I feel like today.

I am sick AGAIN. So tired of it. But i think it's the stress of the past few weeks finally catching up with me.

I have to laugh at myself... In 2006, I finished up my degree, graduated, got married, tavelled overseas and moved house. In 2007, we moved twice, adopted two cats, both resigned, relocated to JHB, and both started new jobs. I swore that 2008 would be my quiet year. Hah!

Man plans, God laughs. In the first half of this year, we've been to the USA, I got a new car, we've both resigned again, he's decided to study, and I'm going to freelance. We're also looking at buying a house, but that's becoming less and less likely. If that's quiet, I'd hate to see hectic.

The past few weeks have been crunch time, with deadlines on my side, his project finishing up, both handing in notice, visiting career counsellors, being sick, finding a new job, reassessing finances , him working overtime all the time and both of us generally being a bundle of nerves and worry.

I feel like I need a holiday. As Boldly Benny says, there's value in getting away. I think I should try to organise a weekend away from everything for the two of us. But, then again, that will cost money. *sigh*

I just feel like there's too much going on right now. Stop the world, I want to get off.

I've now agreed to help my current company out by working four hours for them in the afternoon for the first two months. So I'll be working solid overtime at two very concentration-intensive jobs. It's going to be mad. But I guess I can survice two months.

Sorry that this a very me-me-me post, but I'm really wondering if I'm doing the right thing. So please all chime in and tell me that of course I am.

The follow-up

So yesterday I was waiting.

For what?

Am I pregnant? Nope. Sorry, Bridget. It was also not the day hubby wrote entrance exams. And nor was it about the fact that I was freaking out about leading cell group last night. Which I was, btw.

Nope - I was waiting for confirmation on a job offer.

If you're disappointed, I'm sorry. But this is a big deal for me. I work in a three-person company, so me leaving is 33% of the staff saying cheers.

Furthermore, hubby has just resigned to start studying, so now we're both in flux.

AND... my boss is nearly eight moths pregnant.

My timing could not be worse.

Then again... I'd be working a half day and earning nearly the same salary, and would be able to use the new company's infrastructure (Internet, telephones etc) to freelance from their offices in the afternoon, giving me the scope to start my own business.

Where else would I find the opportunity to start freelancing with the security of a regular salary and full permission to win my own personal clients?

Eish. So much to think about. I hate disappointing my boss and my co-worker, whom I love dearly. But at the same time, opportunities like this don't often fall into one's lap.

So I spoke to my boss this morning. She is, obviously, not so happy. But she's been nice about it, despite her own worries, which I really appreciate. Telling her was my biggest stress - I went through almost half a bottle of Rescue Remedy before broaching the subject.

Now I feel like a big, wobbly lump of jelly.

I've suggested that I work for my current company in the afternoons for the first few months, just to give them a bit of a cushion, but none of us is really sure whether that will work.

And getting my own clients is scary. So if you know of anyone in need of the services of a freelance journo, PLEASE let me know.

Ok, I have to go shiver and shake some more now.

I thought I was past that!

I try not to blog too much about me and my insignificant little issues too often, but forgive me while I think out loud here...

I know most of you are going to laugh at me for this, but I really thought I was past making those big life choices. At 23! I know. I am laughing too.



But seriously, I chose what to study, I made the leap and got married, I moved to Jhb for the job, and thought that I had everything sorted. But then, life intervenes, and everything gets turned on its head.



Hubby resigned this morning. We thought it through and have decided that this is the best way forward, but it's still hectic. See, my parents, being the uber-cool and ultra-generous (although sometimes anal) people that they are, recognised that he's never had the opportunity to study. So they said they would give us part of our inheritance now so that he can better himself and move up in the world. Their logic is that they'd like to see us put the money to good use and not wait until they die (horrid thought), when we may not need the money anyway.



I think that's really awesome of them. On the other hand, it's a BIG step for hubby to give up his role of provider (which he takes very seriously) and depend on my folks. It's also a scary thing for me to suddenly be the main breadwinner in the family. Plus, I have to admit that I miss studying and will be a bit jealous. *Sigh*



It also makes life very difficult to predict - what if we decide to have kids in the next two years? Unlikely, but hey, anything's possible. Or so they say. It also means that I need to stay put in my job to keep the money coming in. Hmmm.



I guess my fear is just about being trapped - not being able to make the decisions that will affect my life. Then again, we've survived a lot together - an eating disorder, depression, me studying, him losing his job, moving house three times, moving to a new province, and countless other mini-crises. We'll be fine. I know that. I just wish I could FEEL that.



Sorry, I promise to be more upbeat in my next post. Here's a funny for those of you that were expecting a smile.