Thursday, 11 September 2008

Role play

Have you ever noticed how you end up in roles you'd never have imagined yourself in?

I've never seen myself as the entrepreneurial type. At all. I kind of pictured myself as a journalist working my way through the ranks at some nice glossy consumer magazine, until, after many moons, I would eventually make editor.

Instead, at the age of 24, I find myself working my half day PR job in the mornings, and then running my own freelance business in the afternoons. I'm not exactly sure how that happened, seeing I don't have a clue how to run a business.

Frankly, I am amazed that all the right paperwork got filled in and that the thing got registered at all, nevermind the fact that I actually have a couple of clients. I mean, the last time I did book-keeping was in grade 9, and I sucked at it even then. I have no idea how quotes and invoices and all that jazz works. Yet, somehow, I have still managed to get a bit of money in the bank. I still need to find someone to help me figure out the whole tax thing and do the book balancing so I don't end up in jail someday.

I just feel like such a fraud. I am terrified that someone will discover that I ended up here by accident and don't know what I'm doing. I stress that my clients will realise that I'm actually just a little girl playing dress up. This whole thing petrifies me beyond belief.

Is it like this for everyone? Somebody please say yes!

15 comments:

sweets said...

i think you are my long list sister :)

it's more our personalities i think, we doubt that we can actually be good at more than one thing... enjoy your success! i wish i had your guts!

The Jackson Files said...

Yep, it's definitely like that for everyone.

When I worked at Barclays I used to spend all my time thinking someone was going to discover that I didn't have a clue, and was always surprised when I would get a really good assessment at the end of the year.

I think there is even a name for this syndrome, I can't remember what it's called, but needless to say it affects women more than it does men.

Nicole said...

I know it's like that for J.
He's 22 and he has his own business (which is doing above and beyond well - more than we could have hoped for) and yet when people ask him what he does he balks at the idea of telling them he has his own business. For some reason he also says he feels like a fraud because he's so young.

But kudos to you Tamara for making your own way! :)

I can maybe help you with the taxes dept thing - let me know and I can give you his number. He works for Sanlam and he does my mom and dad (who also has their own business) taxes etc.

Arkwife said...

Can I come and work for you?? Lol....no really, I was playing with the idea of starting my own thing, but I'm not so sure at the moment....and now I think I might want to study again. The choices!!

As for bookkeeping help, Ruby would probably tell you this herself, but her laptop died this morning, so I'll do the honours...she's an auditor, so she would know exactly what to do. I'll ask her for you :-)

po said...

That's how I felt when I started a new job, I spent the first 3 months convinced I would be fired because they would discover how inexperienced I was.

Ches said...

They call me the 'chameleon' at work...creative hooligan guy in Special Operations making business decisions!?

He he, so I know how you feel...I just smile and wave, smile and wave!

Slyde said...

thats certainly what its like for me...

i am a computer programmer, and about 2 years ago got roped into this manager/liason position that i STILL dont feel like i understand...

i just want to go back to being a computer-geek

angel said...

well... i'm not running my own business or anything- but i feel the same way about my job!

boldly benny said...

I think you and JF summed it up totally. My CEO thinks very highly of me and sometimes I feel like I've pulled the wool over his eyes and one day he'll discover I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know why have this feeling! Please don't let it plague you - you're doing well and should enjoy it ;-)

Being Brazen said...

You are awesome...2 jobs and one is your own...you rock...

you are not a fraud...you are just awesome....deal with it!

Moe Wanchuk said...

It's like that for all of us. It's cool that you have the guts to do it. Most of us don't. You'll figure it all out before you know it. You've gotten this far, this is actually the easy part

Tamara said...

Sweets: Thanks, sister.

TJF: why am I not surprised that it affects the fairer sex more than the men?

Nicole: Yay! Not alone. This is good. And yay for J!

AK: Choices are good. Hard, but good. Yeah, I know Rubes is a number-cruncher ;-)

Po: We should form a support group ;-)

Ches: Yeah, but when I smile and wave it's at Izzy, the imaginery iguana who lives on my desk!

Slyde: That explains the gadget and technology obsession.

Angel: You can join our support group. We'll get matching pom poms, k?

Benny: Thanks, lady. I appreciate the vote of confidence!

Brazen: Ummm... k. Thanks?

Moe: This is the easy part?!?!? Eep.

Caz said...

lady that is awesome!! leap of faith and it's paying off. well done. Are blogbuddies allowed to say that they're proud of each other? well i am.
and yes.. i know that feeling. for the past few months i've been responsible for a R5million budget. What do i know about anything?? but there's something recklessly exhilarating about being trusted with much :)

Ruby said...

hey hun, laptop back in working order now;) you're more than welcome to ask advice if you want...

Tamara said...

Caz: R5mil! That is impressive ;-) And I really appreciate your support.

Ruby: Thanks, my friend.