Weird things I've seen on my way to work

Seeing my office is literally about 3 km from home, you'd think that there wouldn't be much to see on my way to work in the mornings. But you'd be wrong.

• A businessman in his suit, standing next to his shiny BMW and taking photos of the road. I have no clue why. Maybe he has a pothole fetish. If so, he'll be blissfully happy in Johannesburg.



• One of those huge trucks that has ramps on the back and transports a bunch of cars at once, which got stuck in the cul de sac where we live this morning. It was empty of cars, but I have idea why it came down our little dead end. And I have no idea how it will get out again. It's probably still there.



• An incredibly fat man who I see trying to jog down the road every morning, his stomach bouncing against his legs as he runs. I want to cheer him on - I think it's awesome that he's so dedicated. You go, guy!



• The granny power-walking club, all wearing their luminous yellow bibs, who weave along the main road, hips swaying and arms pumping. It's so cute!



• A bunch of guys in orange suits sweeping the exact same spot of the road every day. Either it gets really dirty overnight or they're actually secret agents scoping out the dodgy looking business across the road. These are the stories I make up to amuse myself in the bumper to bumper traffic.

Funnily enough, I never seem to see weird stuff on my way home. I guess all the nutjobs only come out in the mornings ;-)

This morning's traffic was an interesting experience. It usually is in the rain, but today all the traffic lights in the major road I take to work were off. Nothing strange about that - they've been off for three weeks now. But this morning there were no OUTsurance pointsmen, so traffic was crawling.

I don't think I realised until today how awesome those pointsmen are. OUTsurance is an insurance company in South Africa, and instead of spending money on another big ad campaign, they trained a whole bunch of people to be pointsmen. Now you see them around Jo'burg at all the out-of-order traffic lights, in their luminous OUTsurance shirts, making our lives a bit easier by directing the flow of traffic. That, my friends, is true brand value-add. Everyone loves them and it's really boosted OUTsurance's image with the SA public.

In other news traffic related, there was a MASSIVE road block on my way home yesterday. There were about 10 cop cars pulling people over on both sides of the road, so the traffic was backed up for miles. All those cops made me think of this one time (not at band camp) in Cape Town...

It was my 20th birthday and I was in 1st year at varsity. I had a big birthday bash at Cool Runnings in Observatory that went on quite late. Eventually, everyone went home, but TSC and I weren't tired. He'd arrived in the Cape only a few days before and I wanted to spend a little time with just him. We were in the very early days of our relationship back then. So off we headed to Rhodes Memorial (pic below), which is one of Cape Town's lesser known tourist attractions, in TSC's bakkie (the South African word for a pick-up truck or light delivery vehicle).

We dragged one of his beanbags out of the back and sat on the memorial steps under the stars and chatted for ages. Then it got really cold, so we went and sat in the back of the bakkie (which had a canopy top). It must've been around 3.30am and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I fell asleep on the one beanbag and TSC on the other. Completely innocent - nothing dodgey going on.

We awoke to the sound of tyres on gravel, voices and a torch being shone through the window. It was the police! "Open up! Step out of the vehicle!"

So we did. Me with my bed-head hair and mascara smudges under my eyes. You can imagine what they were thinking - "Kids today!" They obviously thought we'd come to this lonely spot to do the deed. I was mortified. We got a serious dressing down that went something along the lines of:

"Don't you know this is a hijacking hotspot?"

"No, officer."

"This place is closed after 6pm. You shouldn't be in here."

"Sorry, sir. The gate was open. We didn't know."

"Blah blah blah... get the hell out of here."

"Yes, sir." *blush furiously*

Off we went with our tails between our legs - too embarrassed to even look back. We stopped at a filling station to get something to eat and then TSC took me back to the varsity residence to drop me off. But, as we rounded the corner, we saw there was a roadblock. We got pulled over, so we stopped and wound down the window, only to discover... the cops from Roads Memorial! They each gave us a knowing smile, and one asked if we hadn't had enough trouble for one evening. TSC gave a weak laugh, showed them his driver's licence and got me home as quickly as possible before we could meet up with our new friends again.

The pigs

Argh! I don't know about you, but I find sitting in traffic super-stressful. My blood pressure rises as I compulsively watch the clock ticking and shake my head at the nutter in the stationary car next to me picking his nose. In Johannesburg, however, unless you work from home, there's no real way to avoid the traffic. I'm more fortunate than some in that I only live 8km (just under 5 miles) from the office. BUT it takes me on average 25 minutes to get there!

Why? Well, aside from the bumper-to-bumper traffic, there are numerous other obstacles to overcome. My route to work is fairly simple. I drive out from my complex, onto a main road. I keep straight until I hit a T-junction and then I turn left. I stay straight again through a couple of robots (yes, that's what we call traffic lights in South Africa), turn right and go through two more robots and arrive at work. On a weekend it takes me 10 minutes. Well it would if I ever worked on weekends, that is ;-)

BUT, on the road just after the T-junction, there are currently massive roadworks going on. There are men working, large construction vehicles and loads of those little orange cones that seem to scream "hit me!" (or is that just me?) stretching for about 1km. Why? Understanding that the traffic on this road is completely insane, the city council has decided to widen the road. Fair enough. I can deal with that if it means the traffic will let up some time in the future. What I can't get over, however, is that every morning, on the same road, the cops set up a roadblock during the peak traffic, which makes it a million times worse. Yes! there they sit in their cars, all 20 or so of them, pulling off our mini-bus taxis and anyone else they don't like the look of, which causes havoc.

Once I'm past that road, it's usually a lot better. Today, however, the idiots had set up ANOTHER roadblock in the last road I take. Grrr! Are they thick? Have they not SEEN the traffic? But no, the clever clogs must put two blocks on two already busy roads during peak hours next to the roadworks?!?!?!

I will not let this colour my day. I will not. I will console myself with the fact that my new house is much closer to work (about 4km away) and cuts out the roadworks, if not the roadblocks.

Our house, in the middle of our street...