Overshare and other stuff

Forgot the camera again. Pics of hail tomorrow, k? Have set a reminder on my phone. Also, am guest posting over at Damaria's blog, STORYPOT, today. My topic is how to stay professional while working from home. So feel free to have a read.

Feeling slightly green around the gills this morning. We went to our favourite sushi joint last night for their Tuesday night special. The sushi was fab, as usual. Except for this one piece of nigiri. I don't even know what kind of fish it was. It looked kind of like tuna, but it was not. It tasted really fishy and had a revolting aftertaste. TSC and I both had a piece and nearly hurled. We quickly washed it down with our drinks and one of the yummier pieces of sushi. But you know when you've eaten something that makes you feel sick to your stomach and there's just no feeling better until it's out of there?

I felt so nauseous, even long after we arrived home. Eventually I decided better out than in and up it came. The thing is, I didn't even have to stick my finger down my throat or anything. I had a lot of practise throwing up during my eating disorder days and this seems to be a skill I have retained. Charming, hey?

My stomach felt instantly better, but my mind was turning. I instantly began lecturing myself in my head, telling myself that just because it's so easy doesn't mean that it's a good idea and that those were awful years that I don't want to revisit.

And it's true. Those destructive habits were hellishly hard to break and took years of therapy, prayer (thanks, Mom) and all sorts of treatment, but they're gone now and I don't miss them.

I think though that there will always be a part of me that looks for the easy way to look how I'd like to. Jenty recently wrote a post about a new slimming drug on the market and it made me realise that this problem affects so many women.

There's such a drive to be thinner, have no cellulite and to never look old that women will try almost anything to get there - no matter the consequences. It's tragic.

Yes, it's great to try to be healthy. If that means losing weight through healthy eating and targeted exercise, awesome. But trust me - it's not worth compromising your health to be slimmer. Bulimia left me some scars, and I got off lucky. It could have been far worse. Anorexia with purging got me to my goal weight. But guess what? It didn't make me feel any better. And it still wasn't enough. Do you know that I was proud when someone pointed out to me that my spine was starting to stick out like a skeleton? That is not healthy. In any way.

Wow... this post got way more deep and ouchy than I was expecting it too. Sorry about that.

What I'm really trying to say is that we have to fight for balance. I don't know if we'll ever get there. I know despite my recovery, there are still days when I struggle. And I'm still not 100% happy with my body. But then, I don't know many people who are in that lucky place. I can say that it's a helluva lot better in this middleground than out there on the edge. So I plan to stay here.

Anyone going to come and camp with me?