Monday, 13 September 2010

Emotionally pooped

Warning: overshare ahead.

I always find that being emotionally exhausted is more stressful than being physically worn out. How about you?

This weekend was one of those where all the issues get brought out from under the rug and poked a bit. Flip, I feel like my issues were tied to the stake and set on fire this weekend.

What is she on about? That is probably the question that people wonder about most but vocalise least when it comes to me ;-)

This weekend started with a heated debate concerning my MIL and ended with a heated debate concerning my MIL. See, my in-laws and I... (how to put this diplomatically?)... have some difficulty getting along.

With my SIL getting married in December, and most of TSC and my conversations over the past week revolving around December holiday plans and his family, things were getting a bit tense. Nevermind the fact that MIL asked me (on my birthday) about when on earth I plan on having babies. Again. After TSC has specifically asked her not to go there.

So, on Friday eve, he had a long, long, long discussion with her on the phone about many, many issues, which ended up with both of them in tears. Maybe this is good for the two of them, maybe not. Who knows.

But it had been a really rough week for me and I had been fragile and needy all day (PMS really sucks). I had just told TSC that I needed some TLC before he went off to make this "quick" phone call. So I was waiting on the veranda with supper, wine, loads of candles and plans for a romatic evening in, while he was having this epic and unheard of discussion inside (his family never ever does deep, confrontational conversations).

Needless to say, the food got cold, the candles spilled wax everywhere, the mosquitoes decided the wine glass was a good place to take a dive and eventually I gave up.

And then he came out and started telling me about all the things MIL had said and that just sent me off the deep end. I am not going to go into details here, but we fought long and hard and only made up late that night, with some issues not really being dealt with properly.

And so, despite having a great time at the Getaway Show on Sat (picked up a great pair of hiking boots for cheap, cheap, plus a load of info about the different places we want to visit), and enjoying the fundraising event we went to (a 70s show called Nite Fever at the Broadacres Barnyard Theatre) with my folks and some friends on Sat eve, there was still some distance between us.

And I hate that. I can handle anything with TSC at my side, but I fall apart when things are crap between us.

We went to The Meat Co. at Montecasino (food was so-so) for a belated birthday lunch for him with my folks and my brother yesterday, and then my mom and dad came to watch the Italian Grand Prix at our house. Then it was church and back home, but I still felt far away from TSC.

Eventually, when we got ready for bed (why is it always when you want to sleep that it all comes to a head?), the unresolved issues reared their ugly heads again and the fight pretty much resumed where it had left off on Friday night.

Thankfully we seemed to work things out a lot better this time. I think he understands my position for the first time (I know it's incredibly hard on him that I don't see eye to eye with his family, but he also needs to realise that it takes two to tango). Although things will still be difficult with them, the fact that he gets where I'm coming from will make a huge difference.

We got to bed well after midnight, so we're both physically exhaused today, but I just feel emotionally drained. Thank goodness we don't have this type of discussion very often - I think I would collapse of emotion-overload.

Here's to a more peaceful, productive week!


Bagman and Butler said...

Oh do I identify with this one! I guess it is nothing new -- from Romeo and Juliet on forward.

Forever Feline said...

You are not alone! I "get you" big time on this one. Be fair but stand your ground is what I say. Hope you have a lovely snuggle and good rest tonight with your man xxx

Helen said...

That sounds really exhausting, I guess the downside of these kind of 'discussions' not happening often is thaat they can be pretty intense when they do...

I hope you feel better soon!

Damaria Senne said...

I hope the rest of the week is easier on you emotionally.

Anonymous said...

pfft and sleeping late only makes you a tad more emotional the next day.

But my hopes for you reflect Damaria's. I hope its a better week.

And that, at least, TSC knowing where you are coming from helps him

Shrinky said...

Oh Lord, I know this sounds evil, but our household has been sooo much more peaceful since both sets of our parents passed away! The trauma's of family, eh? Perhaps next weekend you and hubby can batten down the hatches, and hole up indoors for a romantic break alone - and the phone off?

Shayne said...

Emotional turmoil is the worst - it seems to suck the very life from us. And i so understand the inlaw story - you haven't met my MIL! Perhaps she would give yours a good run for her money!

I am relieved to hear that all has been sorted between the man and you - often it doesn't and that is when things start to unravel. xx

Anonymous said...

Being emotionally drained sucks! Especially if it's a situation that drags on over a few days. Hang in there Tamara, I'm sure all will be well again soon.

Hardspear said...

Lamb and I seems to be stuck where you and TSC are very often lately. As to your previous post... I shouldn't be blogging right now, should be working... but blogging seems like a lifeline at times.

I am going to start giving definitions to the word verifications I get. Today's is MOCTO. I think it means: Because of being at odds with your spouse's mother and the tension it causes between you and and your spouse, you experience feelings of Mocto.

phillygirl said...

Hahaha, I kept waiting for the overshare you warned us about. Shame lady, I so know where you're coming from on this one. Although I've never been married, I don't think that makes any difference when dealing with in-laws (except the length of time you have to do it for). Especially in-laws of a different culture (English vs. Afrikaans). I'm so glad to hear he understands where you're coming from now, because that really does make it easier. And good luck for December :)

Tara said...

I always thought that line that everyone give you about 'never let the sun set on an argument' is a load of bollocks. Sometimes you really do need to take a few take to work out all the kinks. Sometimes the other person (or You) just doesn't see it from any point of view other than your own.

The most important thing though, is to talk about it. OR shout or scream or whatever it takes to get it all out.

Sorry you guys are having a tough time. You will get through it I am sure. And blogging is therapy!

po said...

Eeesh sorry to hear it Tamara, but I am glad you made sure to resolve things, otherwise those things come back to bite you in the butt times 10.

Tamara said...

Thanks, everyone. Good to know I am not the only one with in-law issues!

tanyadeville said...

ugh - in-laws are The Pits! :(
hope things smooth over soon! and good luck with the whole december break/wedding thing

Angel said...

Maybe if you did speak more often about it, it wouldn't be so draining?
Shutting up now.
I am very lucky in that I have some pretty damn decent in-laws.