Joburg ate my work/life balance (and a long ramble about consumerism)

Today is just one of those days where I feel absolutely shattered. I worked until midnight last night to finish a story for deadline today. I sat down at about 7pm and wrote 2 400 words in one sitting on a controversial and complicated subject. And today the work continues. I have another deadline on Friday, along with routine work for my retainer clients that needs to be completed this week.

My brain is numb.

I don't think I'm the only one. I think October in Johannesburg is one of the most frustrating times of year. The sun is out, the flowers are blooming and life beckons us to enjoy the gardens and parks, but the end of the year is near and there's so much work to be done before then that we are all holed up at our desks, working (or in TSC's case studying for exams) and hating it.

I know that people are working hard everywhere, but to me, having lived in Pretoria, Cape Town and Durban, Johannesburg is worse because life really is a rat race up here. Having chatted to folks who've just moved here from other places, it's something that crops up in conversations often. "Everything moves so fast here", "I've never worked so hard in my life" or "People don't seem to take lunch breaks here" are comments I've frequently heard. It makes me understand why some of our medical aids offer special plans with lower premiums for people who live on the coast.

I know that people work hard elsewhere in South Africa, but to me they don't seem so driven, so hellbent on trying to get up the next step on the corporate ladder (although more often than not, it seems more like a status ladder in Joburg). Ask someone from Joburg how life is and the chances are fairly high they'll say "busy!" It's the standard answer. In fact, if you're not busy in Joburg, people might think there's something wrong with you. Busyness and stress are worn as badges of honour here. The busier and more strung out you are, the more successful you must be.

I have friends working their backsides off in Cape Town. But after work they'll all meet up for a drink at the pub or go for a walk on the beach, because it gets dark much later there than here in summer. In fact, when TSC and I led a small group for our church in Cape Town, whenever we hosted a social, our numbers would double or even treble. People would come out of the woodwork. In Joburg, when we have a small group social, our numbers actually halve. People say, "Sorry - if it's just a social, I think I'll skip it and get some work done." I kid you not.

In Joburg, life is all about money and career success. People judge you on the car you drive, the suburb you live in, the brands you wear, the restaurants you eat at and the bling you can show off. It doesn't seem as obvious as that, of course. People from Joburg are some of the friendliest you'll ever meet and I have come to know wonderful friends here that I treasure with my whole heart. But, here in South Africa's smallest of the nine provinces, which produces roughly 35% of the country's gross domestic product (GDP), we don't have a huge variety of free entertainment available. No mountains, beaches or winelands... We have shopping malls. Lots of them.

And what are the hard-working folk of Joburg going to do with the money they earn aside from spending it? Weekends see shopping malls, restaurants, entertainment destinations and even car dealerships packed to the max with people, cash and, of course, credit cards. In this widely accepted consumer culture, it's difficult not to get swept up into thinking, "I need a better car / house / wardrobe / lounge suite /whatever else".

TSC and I chatted about it the other day. When we were living and working in Cape Town, we were barely scraping by. We lived in a tiny flat in a really dodgy area, drove second-hand cars that were nothing special, couldn't afford insurance and once in a blue moon we ate at a cheapish restaurant and then had to re-budget for the whole month. We dreamed of one day having a slightly bigger place with a little garden and of TSC being able to own a bakkie (ute / pick-up / light commercial vehicle).

Now, in Joburg, we live in a house that is three times the size of that flat, in a lovely area, with a beautiful garden, and TSC drives his bakkie, which he got brand new, out the box. All our Cape Town dreams have come true.

But we often catch ourselves saying, "Did you see X's new Audi? Wouldn't it be nice to own one of those?" or "We need a swimming pool! We could fit one in the garden if we took out that bit of lawn". Now there's nothing wrong with dreaming and there's nothing wrong with doing the best you can for yourself and your family. To me, there's just a fine line between that and making money everything. I want to keep on the right side of the line. I want to be able to dream and plan, but to be happy with where I am now and with what I have rather than never being satisfied and always chasing after more.

Maybe it's not so much that people in Joburg judge you on what you drive or wear etc. Maybe it's that living in Joburg, surrounded by this incredible wealth, we start to judge ourselves. We compare what our friends or colleagues have with what we have, and we want more.

What can we do about it?

Sometimes I dream of leaving the rat race completely and going to live in a little cottage in the countryside where I can plant a huge veggie garden and be fairly self sufficient. But I love people and I love the city and I would probably curl up and die if I couldn't engage with people on a regular basis. So that's not an option.

Personally, I think part of the solution for surviving the rat race is to stop looking at what everyone else has and count my own blessings. When I start listing those, I am humbled and grateful. Suddenly, having the latest laptop or this season's fashion acessories doesn't seem like such a priority anymore.

Secondly, I think it's important to give. Whether it's time, money or stuff, giving things away stops you getting over-attached to material goods. Engaging with people who have less than you do, and doing something to help them, is a great way to remind yourself of how lucky you are and how privileged.

Thirdly, surviving the rat race is much easier when you're surrounded by like-minded people who keep you grounded. My family are great like this - although my folks have done well in life, they are sensible with their money and very down to earth. TSC and I also cultivate friendships with people who value the same things we do and recognise that there is more to life than being on trend.

I also keep learning to take pleasure in the simple things in life. Smelling my first roses blooming for the season, picking fresh strawberries from my veggie patch, cuddling with my kitties, having a glass of wine on the veranda with TSC, enjoying a great coffee with a special friend or laughing hysterically at my headhunter pal's list of funny CV errors are all things worth enjoying to the full. It makes me realise that my life is filled with opportunities for joy and that there is very little that I actually 'need' aside from what I have.

TSC and I have realised that the mystical work/life balance is something we have to continually work at and that sometimes it might mean turning down an opportunity or more money for the sake of that balance. To give you a simple example, I turned down a potentially lucrative freelance project last week because I already have a lot (too much) work on my plate and I knew that if I said yes, it would mean missing out on our small group social this evening, supper club on Friday, a church event on Saturday and having to work solidly through two weekends in a row. The money would have been nice, but having a few hours of quality time with TSC and with our friends is worth more.

So, after that very long ramble, let me try to get to the point... While October in Joburg may be frustrating, and while Joburg may be a hell of a rat race, there is so much good in my life here and I am thankful for the opportunities this city provides. It's sometimes hard to keep grounded here, but it is possible and I'm going to keep trying.

Christmas wishlists

My mother has asked me for a list of possible gifts for TSC and me for Christmas, which she wants to distribute to the wider family. This is a very organised way of doing things, even if it does take the surprise out of what you might find under the tree on Christmas morning. It may, however, mean that for the first time in three years, I stand a chance of getting something other than hand towels from my grandparents. And I'm all for that!

The thing is, twee as it sounds, I pretty much have everything I need. Of course there are things I would like to have, such as a small garden bench so that I can indulge my bizarre veggie-watching tendancies, tickets to Cinderella on Ice, or a decent pair of sunglasses (instead of the R50 pairs I am prone to buying at flea-markets), but by and large, TSC and I are incredibly blessed. We have an amazing house and garden, two wonderful cats, a car each, food in the pantry, clothes in the cupboard, a computer in the study... We are more fortunate than most people, especially at our age.

This strikes me often as I'm enjoying a late afternoon walk with TSC up to the local Woolworths Food to pick up some or other supper ingredient. I love our neighbourhood, I love our relationship and I love enjoying a Woolies ice cold gingerbeer on my way home ;-)

It's so easy, especially in materialistic Jo'burg, to get caught up in the need to have nice things. Or just to have more money. Because everything costs money. It's not like we can walk 10 minutes to the beach with a picnic lunch and enjoy a free day of entertainment like we used to do in Cape Town (when we had no spare money whatsoever). Here, aside from a distinct lack of beach, everything is spread out across a large distance. So spending a day out usually means driving a fair distance and paying an entrance fee, or hanging out in a shopping centre, the ultimate temptation zone. I am not a fan of shopping centres.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the pace and the variety of Jo'burg, and love the opportunities here. But when I catch myself thinking, "I wish we could afford to go see that show / re-do our bathrooms / buy that blue-ray player", I want to be able to remind myself how very fortunate we are and to re-focus on the stuff that actually matters.

What I really want for Christmas is time out away from the bustle with the ones I love, espeically my aging grandparents. And that is already planned. So for now, all I can think of for my Christmas wish list is a new beach towel (mine is about 1o years old and worn through) and a subscription to SA Garden magazine. And that makes me happy!

Of course it makes things challenging for my mother. We both love to give presents and will happily spend forever hunting for the perfect gift for a specific person. Still, I've been struggling to find meaningful gifts for both my folks for years, so I'm sure the rest of the family can manage ;-)