Some navel-gazing

I think my dad reckons I'm a total idealist. And my best friend thinks I'm a sad, jaded cynic. Honestly, I would say I'm a mix of both. I think a lot of South Africans are, actually.

This schism between my two personalities is never more evident than in the period leading up to elections. 2011 is local election year in SA and as the campaigning kicks in, the uglies come out.

I oscillate between a firm hope for the future of South Africa, awe and respect for diversity and a deep pride in my beloved country and, on the other hand, an intense frustration at a nation that seems to prefer to engage in petty squabbling rather than making any effort to move forward, my disappointment in systems, parties and people that continue to fail us, and fear that South Africa will never grow up and grow out of its stroppy 17-year old teenaged-democracy mindset.

I see the potential and I see the problems. I hope for better days and I worry about worse ones. I meet people of all cultures who are passionate about this country and ready to help "make it a better place" (in the famous words of MJ). And I meet people who are judgmental, fatalistic and scornful of SA and its politics and people.

The things is that I find myself looking at my country every day from both sides. I believe we can put the past behind us and overcome doubts and differences. I also believe that sometimes it feels impossible to do.

I understand that I can't begin to understand the hurts of our different peoples. I get that trying to lift yourself out of the only mindset you know is unlikely. I know that there are no easy solutions - no magic fixes for this mess.

I used to read comments on News24 articles and want to vomit. I don't read the comments anymore because I am just too saddened at the judgmental, small-minded, mean things that South Africans of all colours, creeds and ages can say to each other. Every day.

I read blog posts like the one I'm trying to write at this moment and I feel a sense of empathy and at the same time I feel irritated that we're still talking about this stuff. We've heard it all before. We're stuck on a hamster wheel*. Round and round. Seeming to make no progress.

What can we do? Vote for a different party? There's no perfect political party. They're all flawed, one way or another.

Move to Australia? I balk at the thought. I love this country. I want to live here. And how will saffers movng out of SA benefit the country? It's not a solution for me. It would be a cop-out**.

Get involved in politics? I think I would die of frustration. (It might work for others though. We need politicians. Just not short red-headed bad-tempered ones who may fly into a homicidal rage at any minute.)

What then can we do?

Hope, pray, love. Corny as it sounds and impossible as it seems, be the change we want to see in the world. Don't leave nasty comments on News24 articles. Try to see the best in everyone. Resist the urge to have constant pity parties. Vote. For whichever flawed party you choose to support. Stop complaining once in a while. Get to know someone who remembers the past. Get to know someone from a totally different culture who remembers the past. Keep trying.

Keep calm and carry on.

Remember that every country on God's green earth has its problems. Keep the faith.



K, I'm done. Needed to get it out my system. Haters, don't be hating. This is just my opinion / feeling. You're free to have your own.



*It does all come down to hamsters then, Po.

** Not judging anyone who has left SA. I don't know you or your motives. I know me and my motives. Me leaving would be me running away because things are complicated here sometimes.

Bits and bobs on books and politics

April, in South Africa, is a total write off in terms of work. We have two public holidays for the Easter weekend, then this year Wednesday 22 April was national election day. Then there's 27 April, which is Freedom Day, and 1 May, which is Workers Day (yes, next week is a three-day week here).

In other words, we've not had one full work week in April. Crazy! And cool in some ways... frustrating in others.

I would LOVE to be going away for the long weekend, or taking the three working days off for a mini holiday as my boss is done. Alas, money is always an issue and it's not going to happen. But, seeing winter has just hit Joburg with force, I will take comfort next to our fireplace (the first time we've had one of our own) and in a glass of good red wine with TSC. Nice...

In other news, I don't usually do book reviews on my blog, but I've just finished Night Train to Lisbon by Pascal Mercier. Have any of you read it? If so, how did you find it?

Summary: Raimund Gregorious - Mundus, as his students affectionately call him - is a predictable character. A bookish Latin professor, well-respected, perhaps a little boring. One stormy morning, he encounters a beautiful, distraught Portuguese woman in a red leather coat...Later that day Raimund will realise: that moment changed everything. All of a sudden, nothing in his life feels right. His restlessness is fuelled further when he happens to find a book by a little-known Portuguese writer, Amadeo de Prado. The appearance of the mysterious woman, and Prado's prescient words, all seem to tell him the same thing: that he must leave everything behind.And so, early the next morning, he packs a bag and boards the night train to Lisbon on a restless journey across Europe and deep within himself in the hope of discovering somewhere, someone, who makes him feel alive and connected to himself and the world once more. Night Train to Lisbon is a richly told novel of ideas which will haunt readers with its depth and artistic beauty.

I fought with this book from the first page. I started off thinking it was brilliant. Then I got irritated by the bad typesetting (the spaces between words get dropped increasingly frequently as the book goes on). For someone who habitually reads with a pencil in hand to correct spelling and grammar mistakes (I know you're probably laughing as you think about all the typos on this blog), it was infuriating.

I wonder if the translation is as good as the original German? I found that the book grabbed me in places so that I couldn't put it down. Then it lost me completely in others and I wondered what on earth it was all about.

Nearing the end of the book, I decided I liked it. A lot. But then it finished. I can't say it ended, because usually there's some marker to denote an ending, whether it's a happy or a sad one. This book just stopped. And then I asked whether it had been worth reading through that much bad typesetting. And I still can't give myself an answer.

In still other news (yes, I am attempting to catch up on all the things I've wanted to post about), I voted for the first time on Wednesday. I was at varsity during the last elections and wasn't able to register in my home town.

Voting was very much less exciting than one dreams as a small child. The reality is that we stood in a line for an hour and a half and marvelled at how open to corruption the system could be. But at least I have my purple-stained thumb to prove that I did my bit. Now we sit back and wait for the final count, for all the numbers matter.

We know what the results will be - ANC will rule. JZ will be president. And SA will enjoy some more political fun and games as the new prez tries to decide which of his wives should be first lady.

Thoughts on Barack Obama from my American friends

The inauguration of Barack Obama as US President is a big deal not only for the USA but for the entire world. I wanted to pay tribute to that fact on my blog, but as a South African, I don't know very much about US politics. So I've asked a few American blog buddies to give me their thoughts some questions. Here they are, as they were sent to me:

The question:
What were your feelings on the day Barack Obama was inaugurated as President?

Slyde:
I was hopeful, and proud. Very proud. For the last 8 years, ive been kind of ashamed of my country, and how it has carried itself in the world. I don’t know if that perception is going to change under an obama registration, but I can say that I am hopeful. I think the rest of the world currently views the U.S. not too kindly, and im hopeful that mr obama can fix that somewhat.

CP (of Three Giraffes):
Great hope for a much needed change but tempered by some skepticism for the blind adoration being heaped on a man who has yet to do anything to prove himself.

Shania:
I actually attended the ceremonies, so my first answer is short and to the point. COLD! That's all I could feel, lung searing, nose freezing COLD. I kid. I actually felt a myriad of emotions, primarily relief with hope following close behind.

Dizzblnd:
I was by parents whom on my mothers side my grandparents were VERY racist. My mom did not like being raised like that. She never let my grandparents watch us for fear we would be "brainwashed." She is not a racist. My dads parents, I don't believe were racist, my dad is not a racist. My husbands parents and grandparents WERE racists and although tolerant, he finds it hard to shake the beliefs that were instilled. We have raised our children to be color blind when it comes to race, religion etc.. it HAS to end if we are to survive. That being said, as a registered Independent, I am very much a conservative. I lean and vote Republican every election. This past election was no different. Although the world has come a LONG way, I was not sure the world was ready for a black president. I was wrong. I am glad I was wrong. I felt a sense of pride that this country has come so far. I hope, against hope that he will be a great president. I hope that he, along with the other leaders of the world can help bring us back to the peaceful, prosperous world we once were.


More to follow tomorrow.

Explanation and stuff

So I was bleak yesterday.

See, I got an email from an ex-colleague, L, who was very upset with me because she thought I'd stolen her story idea. I'd also be upset if I thought someone had hijacked my article proposition, but the truth is that we both happened to suggest the same person as a source for two very different stories. It's more complicated than that, but I'd rather not get into it because it will just bore you and have me in tears.

Anyway, I admire this ex-colleague and was gutted to discover she was cross and hurt because of me, especially seeing I honestly had no idea she would be offended. It came as a huge, out of the blue shock, especially because she informed me that my ex-boss is also hurt and offended. I felt like the time I came flying off my bike on a steep hill, landed on my back on the road and winded myself. My worst feeling in the world is disappointing someone, especially when it's someone I respect and I haven't even known that I'm hurting him or her.

On top of that, my two-year old nephew has been in hospital for a few days with a hectically high temperature. He was fitting and swallowing his tongue, but doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong, even after lumbar punctures and loads of blood tests. Thankfully he's out now and is doing much better, but his parents have driven him to Bloem to have him checked out by a specialist who also doesn't know what's been going on. The conclusion seems to be that it was a virus, so hopefully it's over and gone now.

And then I realised that the company where I work probably won't give us anything extra for Christmas, which means I won't be able to spoil TSC for our anniversary or go away aside from our holiday with my in-laws. Joy.

Then I discovered that I needed to drive out to one of our clients in Meyerton (about an hour and a half's drive) this morning, which hacked me right off, seeing petrol costs a flippin fortune.

But, after arriving home and crying myself to sleep, I awoke to find TSC at home. He cuddled me and took me out for sushi before our church meeting and made me feel so much better. And then I realised that although this feud with L still hurts like hell, my problems could be infinitely worse and that I am blessed to have such an amazing husband, two crazy cats, a wonderful family, fantastic friends and many other good things in my life.

And then the trip today ended up being a really nice break from the office and a fantastic chance to bond with my new colleague, let's call her Icing (seeing she loves nothing better than to frost a cake).

And then I got this in my inbox, which just made me smile:

I've seen it before, but I'm a twisted freak and this never fails to get a giggle out of me.

See y'all tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have time to catch up on my blog reading from today.